So, you’ve subscribed to my Patreon or met me at a convention, and you want me to make your life weirder in a more direct fashion. That’s great! I love you!

However, my techniques work best under specific circumstances, and much like demonology or web hosting in Linux (more similarities than you’d think) there are rules to be followed.

Image Guidelines

You have to send me digital images to work with. No physical media, please. I can’t be held responsible for your physical goods beyond what I send, and who knows what postal gremlins might do to it in transit (or in my home). Anything you do send, you’re not getting back.

Higher resolution is better. Anything low res (72 dpi) MUST be at least to iPhone standard (45.333 in. x 34 in.) Starting at 150 dpi or greater is insanely helpful.

Any images must be reducible to an 8 in. x 10 in. (art print) and 4.1 x 5.8 in. (postcard) format. Yes, those aspect ratios don’t quite match, so some minor alterations may occur between formats. But, they typically won’t weep if you move between formats. Typically.

Vibrant pictures with natural light and shadows are best. Flashes ruin pretty much everything. They scare off ghosts, bring out orbs, and show you who the demons are through red eye (that last one is useful – orbs are just loser ghosts with no secrets to share). Provide pictures with color ranges that make for good contrast. Flat effect is for replicants.

You may include many things in your images, but please do not submit any of the following:

  • Nudity of any kind. (That’s what Tinder is for, Weirdo)
  • Anything in which you, your friends, or anyone can be seen doing something illegal. (Obey both the law of man and the will of our canine masters – THEY ARE BOTH WATCHING)
  • Contains hate speech or symbols/uniforms/images attached to hate groups or their activity. (I would feel compelled to pass that kind of violent bullshit to the authorities: think hard before you send)
  • Contains copyrighted material/someone else’s artwork or intellectual property. (C’mon, I don’t wanna rehash or go to jail)
  • Anything totally gross. I want to be friends when this is over. (Let me make things weird, it’s what you’re paying  me for, right?)

Terms of Use

Understand that while I’m happy to make commissions for your personal enjoyment, there are also a few conditions from me once you receive your custom Signal. There are always conditions. Just like magic comes at a price, prints come at the prices you pay for through Patreon and/or Etsy with a few asks from me.

So, here are the rules (you don’t even have to worry about midnight feedings, water, or sunlight):

  • Please do not publicly display your signal(s). (In your house, okay. On your ex-boyfriend’s gated apartment door, no.)
  • You can repost your signal(s) online if you really want to share your darkest occult secrets (I won’t judge you)(but I might find you incautious)(NEVER OVERSHARE WITH MAGICIANS), but don’t forget to link it to me. Names (and Facebook likes) have power.
  • Please do not use your signals for commercial use or personal profit. (Okay, maybe you could use it for commercial use – but you better email me first to get permission and sign the proper Faustian documents)
  • Please do not take credit for the work personally, or misrepresent me by using your signals. (This makes the demon in my laundry room very, very cross)

What You Get From a Commission

Magic.

Okay, not really. But, objectively speaking, you get the bizarre, unique terror for which you have signed up for in print format and/or digital depending on what Patreon level you signed up for (thanks again!) or what we agree to at a convention or beneath a troll-infested bridge (see Faustian contracts above). Some things you should know about what you’re receiving:

  • Work may, or may not, be in color. You can totally ask for either in advance.
  • Work will come unframed, bagged and boarded or possibly rolled in tubing for larger images. Maybe tiny, flat, cool stuff is in there too. No promises.
  • All signals (and prophecy) shall arrive by seraphim disguised as parcel carriers in postal trucks. Delivery times may vary. Continental US shipping only at this time (let’s get to those big Patreon goals to change this – AK and HI, and perhaps the world need more weirdness too!)
  • Art takes time, and scheduled delivery may vary for unique and/or challenging works. The general timeline is three months for Patreon backers and negotiable timeframes on a signal by signal basis for anything else.
  • The work you receive will be signed on the back in Sharpie (Sharpie works best for ritual magic purposes and doesn’t leave pen scratches that Hounds can exploit) and will have my copyright on its front. For usage policies, see above in the Terms of use.